The WORST Thing

I love my summertime travels, I really do. I love my anytime travels, to be honest. Hitting the road, the rails, or the airport--getting out of town is one of my very favorite things--but I'm not here to wax poetic about how fab it is to see the USA in your Chevrolet or whatever. I'm here to complain, and not about all of the things that suck about traveling--no, I want to complain about one thing in particular:

You know that moment, when you're away from home and all the things you find familiar and comfortable, and you've accumulated a little ripeness or je ne sais quoi and you just want to wash it all away? It's at that moment that you find yourself confronted by

THE NOT-YOUR-SHOWER SHOWER.

Scenario One: Let's see. This one knob appears to turn on the water and set the temperature. Perfect. I see it easily toggles between wrath-of-Satan temperature and glacial snowmelt. Something in the middle would be ideal, but...no, this device doesn't do that trick.

Scenario Two: Ooh, fancy. Three shower heads? A'ight, I'll just turn this knob. And this other one. Yeah, that's the perfect temperature. Okay, if I pull up on this lever thingy that should send it through the shower head. Yeah. That's it. Wait, that's it? I didn't even open the valves to the other two, and that's all the pressure you've got? It's okay, I can rinse my conditioner out under the sink faucet, I guess. The tile is pretty.

Scenario Three: This looks normal. Thank God. It'll just take a minute or two (or thirty) to dial in the ideal temperature. Turn this one up. No, too much. Down. Maybe if I open this one up more. No, that's frigid. Turn this one up again. And then...oh, the water heater is empty. Damn.

Scenario Four: No. I'm not taking a shower if the display is digital. I feel like I'm being watched. No.

I get that these are first-world problems. I didn't have to walk eight hours to get the water. It's purified, so I'm likely shaving my legs with filtered drinking water. I can travel because I'm an American, and that means I'm comparatively rich and whatever.

I'm not even trying to be helpful, either. I'm not proposing a solution like standardized shower controls or something like it--that would be stupid. 

Nah. I'm just complaining.

I hate that moment when I have to drive a shower I'm not used to.

It sucks, and I don't like doing it.

That is all.


Edit: OMG I'm not the only one with this problem! This from the Notorious LJH: https://imgur.com/gallery/5s8V2Jp